A while ago I was chatting with a good friend about states of mind, ways of thinking and patterns of unuseful behaviour…yes, really, I do chat about this sort of stuff in my spare time too! I am a self-confessed anorak when it comes to NLP, and I am pretty fortunate that I keep the company of peoplewho are either equally interested, or very tolerant!
Anyway, we came up with this concept of ‘Journeys That Get You Nowhere’, and borrowing some
thinking from the world of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, and adapting some work from Dr Nicola Ridgeway, here are some ‘Journeys That Get You Nowhere’ for your consideration.
As you read them, make a mental list of how many of the patterns you run. And be honest with yourself…nobody will ask to see your list!
It’s All or Nothing – Viewing things as being either this or that; wrong or right; bad or good. No middle ground and no shades of grey (if you pardon the topical pun!). Things are either perfect or fundamentally flawed.
Disqualifying the Positive – Positives dont count. There is nothing special about the way you do things they only turn out well because you are ‘lucky’.
Emotional Reasoning – Using your feelings as proof that things are really
as they are “Well I feel it, so it must be true”. Feelings are treated as facts.
Fortune Telling – Predicting the future in a negative way without any real
evidence to confirm your predictions. The equivalent of negative-reframing towards the worst possible outcome!
Mind Reading – Drawing conclusions about what other people think about you without any real evidence to back-up your mind reads.
Mental Filtering – Selecting all the negative things to dwell on and flatly refusing to either see or acknowledge that there are any positives.
Shoulds, Oughts, Musts – Having ideas that things can only be done one way “I should…”, “He really ought to…”, “She must…”. These can be some of the most damaging patterns as they are our rules for life…and often, the sources of these rules it is out of our conscious awareness.
Personalising – When the world revolves around you… “She did that deliberately, she knew it would upset me”.
Over-Generalising – Taking single events or circumstances and viewing them as if they happen always, everytime and everywhere.
Magnification or Minimisation – Looking at life as though you are looking through one of those distorting mirrors in a fairground. Making things, events or circumstances bigger of smaller than they really are.
Of course, we’re himan so we might have a tendency to go on some of these journeys from time-to-time.
But…do you recognise any of these journeys as ones which you keep on repeating that you wish you didn’t? Or perhaps you’re beginning to become more aware of how unhelpful some of your repeated patterns of thinking and behaving are keeping you stuck in a loop.
If you’d like any help in dealing with any of your personal journeys that get you nowhere get in touch, to we’re happy to help. Simply click here and get in touch. We’ll help you find a new path.